Empty...

My Husband & I have been married for 3 1/2 years now and he is currently on his 3rd combat deployment. He's been gone for just a couple of days now and I'm already losing my mind. The 1st deployment was hard because we were newly weds and Iraq was so dangerous at the time. It was new to us. The 2nd one was even harder because we said our goodbyes while I was 6 months pregnant. He missed the birth of our first child. The was one of the hardest things for us. This 3rd one though...it has been the toughest by far. I can't imagine what my Husband was feeling when he had to say goodbye to his son...with tears rolling down his face. God, I love that man. I love him for the amazing Husband that he is to me and the Father that he is to our son. My Husband is so brave, strong, smart, sweet, loving...everything a man should be. You see when he is gone I'm just not me. I'm sure I seem the same. I try to keep busy and stay positive...for my son and for my sanity. There is no sense in letting my self get completely wrapped up in emotions and give myself an anxiety attack! BUT, inside I feel so empty. I feel lost and sad and lonely. Dennis truly is my best friend. Not only does it completely suck to be apart for 7 months but I hate the thought of knowing he is in danger. All I ask is Lord, please look over my Husband, his Marines and all of us families waiting at home. Please give us all the strenght we need to make it through this deployment. Keep our Marines strong, smart and SAFE! Watch over them Lord and bring them all home.

Stay safe angel-face (hehe), come home to us soon and SAFELY! We love you and are SO proud of you.

OKAY....now that I've poured my heart out a bit (I needed that!), I'll be a little more positive!

Here's a little list of things that I always do when my Husband is deployed. Some may seem weird but they are things that I have done every deployment and my Husband has always come home safe...so I continue to do them =)

1. I wear his dog tags and never take them off! When I have those moments of DEEP heartache and lonliness and I miss him with every fiber of my being...I clench his tags with my hand and squeeze it like him hugging him and I can be seen kissing it a few times a day too... =) It makes me feel better.

2. I sleep in one of his t-shirst every night.

3. The last t-shirt he wore to bed the last night he was home, I sleep with every night. I either hold it in my arms or sleep with it under my pillow. It smells like him and it gives me a little comfort =)

4. I use his coffee mug, both his at-home mug and his to-work mug!

5. I put the volume of the TV on odd numbers because he's weird about having it on even numbers...lol.

6. I write him everyday...either a handwritten letter, an email or motomail. I have to do this.

7. I countdown to his homecoming date by paydays. This number is a heck of a lot smaller than the number of days.

8. I use his toothbrush at least once a week. I know..it's gross but heck, I make out with him so what's the big deal? lol.

9. I pray harder than ever. I know this is probably bad. I always pray regularly, but when he's deployed I pray several times a day. I always wonder if God gets tired of me asking to keep him safe.

10. I get a tattoo. This is not something I realized I was doing but when I look back I realized I got my last 2 while he was away...so I don't know, maybe this year I'll get another tattoo! =) We'll see!

My goal is to blog everynight that he is away. I'd like something to occupy my nights and help pass some time. Even if I just blog something small...by the time he gets home I should have a couple hundred of them! Before I go, take a peek at this little cutie...

...Passed out in bed with his new "Daddy Doll"